She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
