Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
