I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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