Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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