That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
