there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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