he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
