Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
