my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
