jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
