his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
soo... how was my night?
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