i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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