I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
