You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
