You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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