Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
