Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
