I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
