Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
