Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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