my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
