hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
