Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
