Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
