Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
