I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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