So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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