Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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