Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
