I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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