I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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