Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
