Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
