Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
