I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
