he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
