If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
