So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
