im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize