Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
