If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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