Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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