is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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