Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
