theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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