I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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