wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
