Kiss
Puke
I cannot find my penis.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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