she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
