she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
