Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
