Need sex. Gaining weight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
