he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
