You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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