I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
