she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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