you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
