my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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